Ellen Trinklein
Opinions Editor
As spring rolls around and that ever-unattainable, oh-god-not-yet swimsuit body looms dangerously around the corner, the gym becomes increasingly populated with high-schoolers trying to burn off that winter baggage. For gym newbies who are unsure about what to expect at the gym, here’s a list of the people one could expect to meet at a public gym (shout-out to my personal favorite, the New Canaan YMCA):
1) The Gym Rat: This college (or near-college)-age stud is at the gym, literally all day. Translation: she/he—I don’t gender discriminate—has no life, no job, and nothing better to do. Gym rats are also often seen chatting up parents of long-lost friends and starting random conversations with people who can’t wait to get out of them.
2) The Elliptical-Goer: The elliptical is a popular machine. Let’s be honest, when the treadmill looks daunting but the thought of biking makes you feel like less of an athlete, the elliptical is the best option. Many different kinds of people, not excluding myself, use the elliptical. However, there are a few types you are guaranteed to see every time you go to the gym:
- The Judger: This person spends all their time on the elliptical watching and judging the workouts of those around them. If you are sweating on a treadmill in the vicinity, they will turn around and stare at you. If you walk by with a face that may or may not be the shade of a tomato (hey, it was a hard work out), they crane their neck at owl-like angles just to judge the dastardly shade of red on your face as you go by. And, god forbid, you decide to change it up and use the rowing machines, look forward to being judged by the middle aged parent on the elliptical next to you.
- The Gossip: Two teenage girls will get on an elliptical to go at a leisurely pace and talk the whole time—annoying if no machines are open but otherwise completely harmless. Have I done it? Maybe. But hey, it makes the YMCA far less painful.
3) The Creepy Old Man: Not to be confused with the Cute Old Person, this is the man we all dread, the excuse not to go to the gym on a lazy day. This is the man who gets on the treadmill right next to you, despite there being 3+ empty spaces on either side, and walks at 2 miles per hour for as long as he deems necessary. As you walk by to clean up your treadmill, you are made uncomfortably aware that your butt is the center of his attention. Avoid conversation at all costs. Note: while this mainly only applies to girls, this is not always the case.
4) The Iron Girl: This is that super intense, hardcore girl (a female Gym Rat with a life), who begs the question, “How does anyone get that buff?” Usually very skinny, very pretty, and obviously bad-ass, she is the secret envy of many a female gym goer. Said females may or may not try to make her seem less awesome by saying she’s too skinny or too muscular. Nevertheless, she is a bonefied boss.
- Warning: As the Iron Girl evolves into the “Iron Granny,” said boss-like qualities do not apply. That’s just creepy.
5) The Middle Ager: You know the type—the kind that will walk on a 3.0 incline for hours on end, or that takes a bike and just sits and reads. Although watching the Middle Ager try in vain to reverse the aging process of their bodies may be slightly depressing, their motivation is always admirable. Also, they make good conversation.
