Pruthvi Nukala, Reporter
On a chilly Monday morning, nearly 70 students gathered in front of the main entrance to hear First Selectman Dionna Carlson and New Canaan Abuse Prevention Partnership (NCAPP) Co-Chair Dede Bartlett speak about an issue that can seem far removed from everyday life. While Mrs. Bartlett provided critical context on domestic violence, Carlson officially issued the town’s proclamation recognizing Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One of the most telling moments of the morning came when Bartlett asked the crowd if anyone knew about the “Silver Hill test”, a test that evaluates if an individual is experiencing domestic violence. Not a single hand was raised.
The proclamation was intended to begin a larger conversation about domestic violence. Assistant Principal Ari Rothman, who addresses healthy relationships and relationship violence through the school’s health curriculum, described the event as an introduction to the larger issue at hand. “The proclamation is just a heads-up,” he said. “It means reach out for help.” Awareness, however, means little if students do not know how to recognize abuse or where to turn when they need support, thus why they raise awareness.
Challenging Misconceptions About Domestic Violence
Mr. Rothman discussed the role of awareness in helping students recognize domestic violence. “The whole point of bringing awareness to anything is so that people can see the warning signs,” he said. “We want people to be aware that domestic violence exists, and that you don’t have to just take it.” His perspective emphasizes that education about domestic violence should extend beyond a single event.
One misconception is that domestic violence does not happen in communities like New Canaan. NCPD domestic violence co-chair, Nicole Vartuli spoke about domestic violence in New Canaan. “ People think it doesn’t happen, not here in town,” she said.
Ms. Jacqueline D’Louhy, New Canaan’s Youth and Family Services Coordinator, also discussed the prevalence of domestic violence. “I think people sometimes think, ‘It’s not happening here.’ But it is happening,” she said.
Domestic violence also cannot be reduced to a particular socioeconomic group. “I think it happens regardless of socioeconomic background,” Ms. D’Louhy said. She spoke about what abuse may look like. “They might control who you talk to, who your friends are or what you’re allowed to do.” Her comments broaden the conversation beyond physical violence to include patterns of control.
Another misconception is that domestic violence only affects women. Mr. Rothman was asked what misconception about domestic violence he wanted students to understand. “That it’s just against girls and women,” he said.
Recognizing Abuse Beyond Physical Violence
Recognizing abuse also means understanding that it does not always involve physical violence. Ms. D’Louhy described controlling behavior as “coercive control.” “It encompasses a lot of what goes on in those relationships,” she said.
Domestic violence can affect children even when they are not the direct targets of abuse. “A child does not have to be physically abused to be harmed by domestic violence,” Ms. D’Louhy said. She explained that witnessing a parent being threatened or intimidated can affect a child’s sense of safety and emotional well-being, relationships and ability to learn.
Those effects can look different from one child to another. Nikkia Ellis, manager of Education, Training and Outreach from the Domestic Violence Crisis Center (DVCC), believes effects of domestic violence can look different from one child to another. “No two kids are impacted the same way. You could have siblings from the same home, and they react completely differently.” Ms. Ellis also described prevention education as a way to show students that healthy relationships do not require harming or controlling another person.
The figures provided by Ms. D’Louhy’s office offer additional context about young people’s experiences. According to information supplied by New Canaan Youth and Family Services as of 2025, 17 percent of high school students reported being bullied, 14 percent reported being cyberbullied and 10 percent reported experiencing physical dating violence.
Where to Turn for Help and Support
Mr. Rothman spoke about the school’s goals for its students. “As a school, we want people to live good lives. We want people to be healthy, happy and do the best that they can,” he said. He explained that education should help students grow as people, not simply prepare them for grades and college.
Even when someone recognizes that something is wrong, asking for help can feel intimidating. Officer Vartuli spoke about how fear of an arrest or further consequences can discourage people from contacting law enforcement. “People say, ‘I didn’t want to call the police because then someone’s going to get arrested,’ or, ‘I didn’t want to call because I don’t want to open a can of worms,’” she said.
The responsibility also extends to the wider community. The DVCC provides information and support without forcing survivors to make decisions before they are ready. “Just by calling and asking questions doesn’t mean that they have to make that decision to stay or leave,” Ms.Ellis said. Knowing that help is available—and that asking for it does not require an immediate decision—can make it easier for someone to take a first step.
Officer Vartuli said that calling does not have to mean asking officers to come to someone’s home. “They can call us and just ask questions,” she said. Officers can provide information about resources, restraining orders and the Stamford court system. The department’s domestic violence liaisons also follow up after domestic, family or juvenile calls and connect people with support.
Ms. Ellis emphasized that survivors do not have to decide immediately whether to leave a relationship. “A lot of victims often feel like, ‘I can’t go to them yet because I’m not ready to leave the relationship,’” she said, “This is absolutely okay.” “We’ve never forced anyone to leave a relationship. We safety-plan with them so that we can try to reduce the risk of harm, but we know that they are the experts in their own lives.”
Support can also begin within the school community. Ms. D’Louhy spoke about what students can do if they are worried about a friend. “You can be a caring friend, but you don’t have to solve this yourself,” she said. “If you are worried about someone you care about, tell a trusted adult. Getting help is not betraying your friend.”
Asking for help is not a weakness. “I think the strongest thing someone would do is actually ask for help,” Officer Vartuli said. “It takes a lot of strength to ask for help.” Her message reinforces that seeking support does not require having every answer or knowing exactly what to do next.
The proclamation brought students together to recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but awareness must continue long after the gathering ends. The next step is for students to take that message seriously: learn the warning signs, understand what a healthy relationship looks like and know where to turn when something feels wrong.
Students do not have to solve domestic violence on their own, but they can help ensure that someone experiencing it is not left alone. “If you are worried about someone you care about, tell a safe adult,” Ms. D’Louhy said. “That means reaching out to a trusted adult at school, a school resource officer or Youth and Family Services instead of keeping a concern to yourself.”
On that chilly Monday morning, not a single student raised a hand when Ms. Bartlett asked about the “Silver Hill test”. That moment should not be treated as proof that students are unaware of domestic violence, but as a reason to keep the conversation going. A proclamation can recognize the problem for a day; students, educators and the community must carry its message forward by learning the warning signs, speaking up when concerned and making sure people know they do not have to face abuse alone.
