Carly Risom
Web & Social Media Director
Lately, I’ve been trying to be more positive about things. It’s really easy to complain about everything, especially when you have a lot on your plate. Schoolwork, sports, friends, family, having to go to school, having to go to sports practices, homework, buying Spirit Week costumes, having to go to school. It’s kind of a lot.
The one thing, however, that is totally valid to complain about is why I hate fall. It’s just a season, so it doesn’t have feelings. Before I decided that summer is, and forever will be, my favorite season, I used to get kind of excited to break out my boots from that huge white box that takes up half of my closet and wear a quilted jacket with a scarf because that makes you look SO autumn. Now I just don’t like it.
First off, why does fall have two names. Fall and autumn. That makes no sense. “I can’t wait for autumn” makes you sound like you are an elementary school teacher who wears a vest with different colored leaves on it for the months of September, October and November.
Vests. Literally the most controversial item of clothing you own. Granted, they’re great if it’s too cold to wear just a long sleeve t-shirt or a short sleeve shirt that “is actually so warm,” and too hot to wear a legitimate jacket. Props to whomever invented the vest, actually. What really vexes me about vests though is that they’re kind of awkward. If you want to take it off you have to carry it around and suddenly you’re walking around carrying a vest. Just visualize it and you’ll see my point.
This brings me to my next reason for why I hate fall: having to actually wear a coat when it’s too cold to wear just a sweater. Coats are great because they keep you so warm when you have to bear that horrific three and a half minute walk-jog from your car into school every morning. They aren’t so great, however, when you have nowhere to put it and have to carry it around all day. If our school were kind of chilly in the winter instead of 110 degrees Farenheit, this wouldn’t be the case.
Just going to sidebar here to recall my junior year winter, a.k.a. the winter of a literal polar vortex. Running from the J Lot to the Gym Wing is actually kind of far and the sidewalk adjacent to Dunning, that serves as the path between the lot and school, is consistently covered in ice. That was more of a four and a half minute walk, and the reason why I had eight unexcused tardies in chem at the beginning of third quarter. I forgot what I was even talking about. Oh right, coats, ugh.
Another reason why I really dislike fall is because there is so much hype about it. Starbucks releases their Pumpkin Spice Latte in practically August. Why? Pumpkin patches don’t even open until mid-October. This further proves my point that fall is a total Hallmark season and way over-marketed.
When I went to
my eye doctor this summer to learn that my eyes have gotten worse and that I’m slowly become more blind at the ripe age of 17, they gave me a flyer for 40% off new glasses frames, denoting it as a “fall special.” This was in July. WHY is it “a fall special?” Sorry, but I didn’t know that I can only buy glasses in the fall?
Back to the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Pumpkins seriously freak me out. What is the allure of a pumpkin? You can’t eat it, they don’t do anything. They kind of just sit there. Yes, it is cool to carve out really intricate jack-o-lanterns, I will give you that. After the pumpkins have been at your house for a few days however, they start to rot. Let’s not forget to mention that they are they heaviest vegetable ever and that whenever I carry one the stem breaks.
One year I was carrying a pumpkin to my front door step and the stem just broke because apparently the pumpkin I was carrying needed to take a rest and just couldn’t hold on. The thing fell to the ground and exploded. People ask me why I hate fall.
How long did this take you though
Moving on. There was one fall, I believe in sixth grade, when I went to a pumpkin exhibit at the Maritime Aquarium. Some artists had put together an entire presentation of hundreds of pumpkins all over the aquarium in a maze-like set-up. I got so lost and it was so dark that I ended up losing my mom and had to run to the parking garage by myself. Good thing I was wearing my chestnut Uggs with neon Juicy Couture kneesocks, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been found by my family. This was so traumatic.
Because I have just been so mean to fall, allow me to include a few things I actually do like about it. Football, hot apple cider, and football. That is all.
