Reilly O’Neill
@RONeillCourant
I have been skinny my entire life. Now don’t go thinking I’m bragging about my amazing tiny waist with voluptuous bust and backside. No, I am the real version of skinny. I am 5’ 3”, 110 lbs. and can still shop at the Children’s’ Place. Truth be told, I still do occasionally. My mother calls me willowy, my friends call me the beanpole and my dress size calls me a child.
You may be thinking “well she must be on a strict diet or something” or even “wow there’s no way she’s healthy.” But I can assure you, I am following no special diet and am perfectly healthy save for my inability to run 100 meters without throwing up. My diet includes a bowl of cereal in the mornings before school, and then a bunch of unhealthy snacks between then and lunch. Then more snacks between lunch and dinner. While writing this, I have gone through half a bag of family size Doritos, half a pack of American cheese slices, and a bag of girl scout trail mix. I eat incessantly and gain about 3 pounds a year. And everyone has something to say about it. I have heard everything. People ask me where it all goes, they say that they’d kill to be me, and then they scoff and get offended when I tell them how out of shape I am. Unfortunately people don’t realize that I am just that: a person. They see me, they see my figure ( or lack thereof) and either turn me into an angel or a demon.
When people make me the angel, they put me on a pedestal. They comment about how they wish they looked like me, and how lucky I am to be the way I am. However, these are the same girls who get upset when I complain about my body. They are quick to temper at any mention of insecurities or ungratefulness. If I so much as comment on a zit or groan about my hair, they swoop in and accuse me of not being thankful and lecture me on how I could have it worse. Oh, yes! It is absolutely wonderful to buy a beautiful purple dress in sixth grade, size 00, and still not be able to fit into it when you’re a sophomore in high school. I absolutely love freezing in the spring because I am constantly cold. Oh! and the best part? Not being able to snuggle in my parent’s bed past age 6 because I am just too bony.
I was 6 when someone first told me I could be a model one day. It was from a distant relative, and it made me very happy. I thought, “wow, I’m going to grow up to look just like those ladies on tv, they are the epitome of beauty.” Oh, how wrong I was.
Now that I am older, and have pretty much stopped growing, I look nothing like those girls in the magazines. I have the body of a 14-year-old boy. In fact, I fit into boy’s pants better than girls’ because of my trim hips, borrowing clothes from my guy friends is easier than from my girl friends.
As for my self esteem? What self esteem? When I try to go shopping, I spend unnecessarily large sums of money, because cheap clothes made for the average person are too large for me. Yeah, I can wear pretty much any style of clothing, and I do wear whatever I damn well please, but that doesn’t mean the things I’d like to wear come in my size. It means if I can find a romper in a child’s large, I work it. It means if I can find an A-Line skirt without any room for hips, I can work it.
Living skinny is not all designer clothes and confidence. It is filled with self loathing and years of body dysmorphia. It can lead to unhealthy bingeing to try to reach the size you want. There are the envious stares and insults laced with venom and traces of jealousy amid chants of “boys like curves” and songs about how thick girls rule the world. So, the next time you decide to comment on anyone’s body, check yourself and get some perspective. We are all beautifully different and have talents all our own, so instead of shaming the women with a little more skin, idolizing the women with a little less, or criticizing anyone; appreciate them. Appreciate the effort that goes into who they are and the beauty and light found in their souls.
