Kit Clemente
Opinions Section Editor
EXAMS. It is a word that is no doubt familiar to high schoolers everywhere. Tests always vary in their tortuous topics, whether they be the Haitian Revolution, derivatives and the Mean Value Theorem or Mendel’s activities with pea breeding, but one thing remains constant: the types of people taking the test. Now before y’all get confused, let me lay it out for you:
Type 1: the Overzealous Overachiever
You can spot these buggers from a mile away. At least a few members of this anxiety-filled group are in every AP class, honors class or classes based off voluntary overachieving (science research, engineering, yearbook and journalism.)
Before the Test:
Several of the following exclamations may be heard from these individuals: “OMG this test is like soooo life-changing; my whole college acceptance/rejectance is basically going to be based off it!”
“OMG I am soooooooooooooooooo unprepared, like, I am just going to fail. FAILURE OMG (*cue panic attack),”
“Are you ready?! WAIT–what was the banner of the peasant revolution in Russia based off of again?!?!?!?”.
During the Test:
Leg shaking, pencil grinding, pen grabbing, eraser scrubbing, fretful and negative movement. All of these will be represented by the overzealous overachievers. Not only are these movements VERY distracting, but they also deserve an Academy Award for best dramatic performance.
After the Test:
As soon as their vicious movements are over, and the teacher pries the test from their hands, these students hop on out the doorway, all the while chatting with fellow classmates. They do this for two reasons: 1) collect data/the overwhelming opinion of the test’s fairness level, difficulty, and the like, and 2) evaluate their relative success (usually quite high). No matter what these students may internally think, they typically like to put up a front, assuring others about how “OMG I totally failed.” But, of course, a week later when the very same individuals receive their grades from the tests, they get about a 110%. Classic.
Type 2: the Pacifists
The pacifists can be found in a variety of levels and classes; they are revered and usually compose a small percentage of the class. Why? Because they serve as a wall of tranquility that can rebound the anxiety of even the most stressed of students.
Before the Test:
Ying-yang is the motto of this group; try your best, study some stuff, and if it goes well then great, it it doesn’t then it’ll all balance out, just you watch. Perhaps these students will haphazardly regard some notes the night (or the period) before the test, calmly absorbing information, and ignoring any of the chaos the Overzealous Overachievers wreak upon their zen.
During the Test:
If the Overzealous Overachievers are sprinters, the pacifists are long distance. Their test-taking stamina is spectacular; they simply chug along, one question at a time, and you bet that no shaking, hyperventilation or distracting movement is involved: they are stoics.
After the Test:
The stoicism continues, as these individuals affirm to everyone the good ol’, “guys, it’s gonna be OK.” Please do everyone a solid and listen to these peeps. They know how to avoid daily mental breakdowns better than any of us [in]sane students.
Type 3: the Rebellious YOLO’ers
I’m sure you can guess what these students are like, let’s just cut to the chase.
Before the Test:
Rebellious YOLO’ers can be found chilling in a corner, ignoring all yelps, exclamations, or panic attacks of other classmates. Probably no (or minimal) studying occurred; these individuals are probably too bothered by the intricacies of the French Revolution to know, or care to know, exactly how many citizens were executed on the first day of the Terror.
During the Test:
The test is taken in complete isolation; the motto: get ‘er done. And none are better at this than the Rebellious YOLO’ers. If they are feeling patient they may actually read 75% of the questions, otherwise it’s just the old eenie-meenie-minie-mo strategy that gets them out of the hellish classroom and on their way.
After the Test:
The populous of Rebellious YOLO’ers does not stick around at the end of the test to discuss answers. They came, they saw and they maybe conquered. The end.
