Peter Lacerenza
Features Editor
In middle school, relationships had a simple formula. They consisted of merely calling someone else your boyfriend or girlfriend for a few days until things went tragically downhill. Now that we are in high school, relationships are often a little less formulaic.
Nowadays, we must worry about whether we are casually dating, FBO (Facebook Official), friends with benefits, having a no-strings-attached hookup, or caught in a dreaded love triangle. But because there are so many options with relationships today, it seems as though they have become more casual altogether.
The formal dating relationship, typically idealized by dinner dates and moonlit strolls, seems to have let informal hookups take the wheel.
“Hookups are definitely more common, it’s really hard to find a real relationship,” junior Emily* said. “A lot of people are afraid of making a commitment, but it is understandable since we are growing up and people want time to know themselves and all their options before they commit to anything.”
Hookups, however, can have many definitions in terms of longevity and depth. What does it truly mean to have a hookup? “I define a hookup as two people getting together without any emotions, more just for fun,” senior Maureen* said. “It’s common to see hookups at parties and dances, where it can easily just be a ‘one time thing.’ People hookup if they don’t want a serious relationship or anything that involves commitment.”
“I think a hookup is like the perks of having the sexual things in a relationship without having to be committed to that person. Someone can have ‘multiple hookups,’” sophomore Sarah* said. “I feel like hookups are more common in high school, dating is for college.”
Although they are different by nature, hookups can potentially serve as a stepping stone to relationships or to awkward tension.“Steady hookups can result in mutual interest, and are generally causes of girls putting out,” junior Sean* said. “This leads to a relationship only when kids actually like each other for the most part. But when emotions are added to hookups it doesn’t always lead to a relationship, it usually leads to one of the people being weirded out.”
“I’ve seen both sides,” Sarah said. “My friends either end up in a relationship, or what once used to be two best friends are now strangers giving each other awkward looks in the hallway, which is the majority of what happens”.
Like many things for high schoolers, relationships are largely shaped by two external forces: peer pressure and instantaneous communication through technology like texts.“Peer pressure makes some people try to date for status or so that they can be associated with a new group of people,” senior Andrew Campbell said. “I personally try to make all decisions independent of what others thinks. I believe that they [IMing, texting and Facebook] have resulted in more stability in relationships. When you are in contact with someone more frequently, it is less likely that frustration will build up. It makes little fixes easier.”
Emily* offered an alternate perspective. “I definitely feel like a lot of relationships will end or don’t even begin because of what someone’s friends have to say,” she said. “In terms of instantaneous communication, I feel like a lot of relationships are internet relationships, where people just communicate mostly through IM and texting, but in person they tend to be awkward with each other which doesn’t make for a genuine relationship.”
As the old phrase goes “all good things must come to an end.” So after navigating through the uncanny waters of hookup-dom and into a relationship, there will always be the risk of a potential breakup. But what are the things that cause breakups, and what is the result of one?
“Both parties have to genuinely be into the relationship,” Andrew said. “Unbalanced couples never last. I also think taking it slow and not being attached at the hip 24/7 after one week of dating is important. Burn like wood, not gunpowder. In terms of breakups, breakups come from boredom. I’d say 90% of the time the straw that breaks the camel’s back is miscommunication.”
For the most part, Maureen* agreed. “I think the most common cause of a breakup is a lack of interest,” she said. “Once a couple is over the ‘honeymoon’ stage of wanting to spend every waking moment together, sometimes relationships take a turn for the worst. The effect of a breakup is quite simple -heartbroken and lonely- but eventually you’ll get over it, or at least put it in the back of your mind.”
However, when breakups happen, is “the end” really the end? “I think that in high school, the end of a relationship is just the start. Rebounds are always happening at weekend parties, with alcohol usually playing a big part,” Sarah* said.
“Most of the time, relationships end and people don’t look back, but there will always be those people who seem to be on and off forever,” Emily* said. “For a lot of people there are rebounds because most relationships aren’t even that serious in the first place.”
* Names have been changed upon request
