Danielle Sorcher
Reporter
Austin*, a junior, knew that it wasn’t working out. He had to break up with Jen*, yet he was scared and didn’t really want to hurt her. But something had to be done — he had to get out of the relationship.
Heart pounding, his fingers flew across the keyboard. A long paragraph formed on the computer screen in front of him, full of feelings of regret, relief, and fear. One click and the paragraph, the one that would break the heart of the person on the other line, would be sent. One click, and it was done.
This story is not uncommon. Along with the hookups of high school come the almost inevitable breakups, which can be done in person, online, by text, or phone call.
“I’m not really proud of it,” Austin said, referring to his story. “It was really awkward. I saw her that day at school, before I broke up with her, and I knew I just wouldn’t be able to do it in person. I think I did it over AIM because I didn’t want to be there if she started crying or something.”
Commonly, others disapprove of breakups like this. “It’s disgusting, not okay. I don’t even have words for it,” senior Sara* said. “It’s lame if the guy doesn’t have the guts to do it in person.”
Sophomore Nick Van Nest agrees. “I’d like to hear it from the person face to face, not through her friends or Facebook,” he said. “Finding out from a changed relationship status is really disrespectful.”
Junior Rebecca Parrino thinks that the type of breakup depends on the situation and the respect someone has for that person. “I think that breakups are definitely better in person because it shows you really cared about the other person and respect them even if you don’t want to be with them anymore. Plus, it’s easier to get your feelings across and have no misconceptions because you’re not typing which is hard to interpret the tone. In general, it’s harder to do, but it’s the better thing.”
Yet Rebecca also thinks that sometimes non-face to face breakups are appropriate. “I broke up with someone over AIM because I didn’t really have any respect for him and I didn’t feel the need to give him the time,” she said. “It was something I wanted to do.”
When told of Austin’s story, freshman Sam* could empathize. “I totally get that,” he said. “I can’t deal with it when people cry. I don’t think I could break up with someone in person, though that sounds bad.”
Some on the receiving end of the break-up message think it’s better done that way, as well. “I can see why people do it online or over text — they’re scared,” senior Gabrielle* said. “I know it sounds weird, but being broken up with online is easier because the guy isn’t there to see you cry or anything. When it happened to me, I was able to be alone in my room, and it wasn’t a public scene. I know I’m supposed to be mad that it was over Facebook, but I’m not.”
Though Nick indicated that breakups in person are preferable, he understands why some break up online. “In the end, being dumped online is less awkward because people are a lot less afraid to say how they feel,” he said.
While texting is another way to break up without being face to face, Gabrielle thinks that it is an inappropriate way to end a relationship, no matter what the circumstances are. “Texting breakups are bad because you don’t really know where the other person is,” she said. “They could be anywhere and then they just got broken up with. There might not be a place to go hide or calm down.”
Breakups tend to disrupt the group dynamic between friends, but sometimes it works out. When talking of her own breakup situation, Sara* and her ex remain in the same group of friends without animosity. “We’re all friends now though,” she said. “He knows he was a big idiot back then, so I think that’s why it’s okay now.”
*Names have been changed
