How to survive Midterms like you’re on Parks and Recreation

Jenny Levine
Arts, Entertainment, and Technology Editor
@JALevineCourant

As midterms loom over your shoulder like a vegan couple from Eagleton, take comfort that your favorite show’s character would also have a panic attack at the thought of 8 midterms in the span of 4 days.

DAY 1

CUZ I CARE ABOUT MY GRADES. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. photo by weheartit — Please, just do not talk to my face hole for 5 days.
photo by weheartit

Leslie Knope:
After staying awake for 36 consecutive hours, you snap at the librarian who jokes why you look so tense.

the face of defeat. photo by media giphy — the face of defeat.
photo by media giphy

Jerry/Larry/Gary Gergich:
Can’t answer the first question on your PreCalc midterm, have a mild heart attack, possibly followed by a fit of flatuation.

"I hope no one minds I'm living tweeting this bioyotch"- pretty sure that's how teachers grade our tests photo by media cache — “I hope no one minds I’m living tweeting this bioyotch”- pretty sure that’s how teachers grade our tests
photo by media cache

DAY 2

Donna Meagle:

Get up 20 minutes before midterm starts and pick up a Rosie’s muffin before you drive off in your Benz. Proceed to saunter in 10 minutes late, midterms are for people who do not have a Benz or a cousin named Genuwine.

pizza will be the only one to comfort you when you are alone, sad, and failed a midterm gif by thought catalogue — pizza will be the only one to comfort you when you are alone, sad, and failed a midterm
gif by thought catalogue

Ben Wyatt:
Realize you are way over your head by the third question. You start to space out and start to plan your escape to live out the rest of your life in New Zealand being a professional extra for Peter Jackson.

DAY 3

If you're not upset, you're not paying attention (Ben Wyatt) photo by: media cache — If you’re not upset, you’re not paying attention (Ben Wyatt)
photo by: media cache

Lil’ Sebastian:
This is the first day you have a free, and it’s first period! You strut into school radiating the happiness and wamth that our favorite lil’ horse encapsulates, until, you realize that you have to take a test now. This is a bigger curveball than when Parks decided to kill you off; you’re filled with miniature rage at the thought of completing another midterm.

fact: Oren is the most underrated character on Parks photo by: dylan b connell — fact: Oren is the most underrated character on Parks
photo by: dylan b connell

Oren:
End the day slinking back to the darkness where you emerged.

DAY 4

side profile of chris pratt is best chris pratt
photo by: tumblr

Andy Dwyer:
Despite your usual happy-go-lucky demeanor, you are filled with despair at the thought of going in for your hardest class that you just know you’re going to do poorly on. Morale is extremely low.

Ron Swanson:
You have only cried twice in your life: 7 years old when you were hit by a bus and today when you were handed your Physics test.

consider writing this on your APUSH essay photo by cox rare files — consider supplementing this for your APUSH essay
photo by cox rare files

However, you have come to conclusion that midterms are government’s way of cuckolding their way into your free time when you should be consuming an inordinate amount of beef and constructing your own canoe, preferably out of mahogany. You give a middle finger to your acquaintances (none of them actually friends) and run into the woods. Indefinitely.