Harrison Burt and Sara Levine
Reporter and Editor-in-chief
With so many new and returning shows on air, we thought we’d save you some time and tell you what’s worth watching. If this is the first you’ve thought of TV after pressing “record” on your DVR, get on that.
Revenge (ABC Sundays 9 PM)
Last year’s hit is back, and I don’t know how it’s possible, but Amanda’s baby bump looks bigger. The finale left us with the cliffhanger of whether or not Victoria died on the plane that Conrad tampered with. As we enter another season in the Hamptons, the characters are still in mourning, but something tells us Victoria can’t be dumped that easily. Most awkward moment of the night: when Emily invites Ashley (ex-BFF) and Daniel (ex-fiancé, now Ashley’s boyfriend) to lunch. Daniel spends the whole episode staring at Emily with puppy dog eyes, and we’re glad that at least Conrad is still team “Emaniel”. The season premiere also brought totally new looks for the characters. We’re so happy that Nolan’s hair no longer resembles Freddie’s from “Scooby Doo.” And we’re pretty sure that Takeda was recast, although he still has that weird patch of hair on the back of his head. Victoria looked really pale — like creepy, back-from-the-dead pale. Oh right, I called that one.
Best Moments
EMILY: “It was Victoria.”
NOLAN: “Great…séance anyone?”
NOLAN: “That sounds revengey.”
CONRAD: [to Victoria]“Well I guess it’s true. Even the devil didn’t want you.”
*in the preview for next week’s episode
How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mondays 8 PM)
Since the show has an episodic plot (thanks Mr. McAteer) we can watch the episodes out of order and still enjoy the irony of a gay man playing the biggest player on television. But back to the story kids. Let us see if we can sum this up a bit faster than your dad. Barney and Robin: getting cold feet. [cue flashback]Lily and Marshall: still adorable. Barney and Quinn (stripper): engaged. Barney and Robin: showing promise. Ted: steals Victoria away from the groom. [fast forward]Ted: 15 feet away from meeting his wife at the train station. In the style of A from “Pretty Little Liars,” we get to see mom’s feet walking near Ted at the train station. Hopefully this isn’t another tease, but show co-creator Craig Thomas has publicly stated that Ted will be meeting his wife at the platform. We’re still unsure if the show will have a ninth season, but all we can say is this actress really better be something, seeing as we’ve been waiting for her for like seven years.
Best Moments
TED: “When you leave someone at the altar you always leave a note!”
BARNEY: [to Quinn]“Robin dated Kevin but not for long and then I met you and you took my Grandpa’s watch, but I fell in love with you anyway and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said yes so we came over here to meet little Marvin and that’s everything. Also I went on the Price Is Right and I won a dune buggy.”
Dancing with the Stars (ABC Mondays and Tuesdays 8 PM)
Forgetting that this show still aired after what seems like a century of continuance, we sat down to watch an expected reality show of nobody “stars” dancing to Latina music in overdone costumes. We then watched a reality show of nobody stars dancing to Latina music in overdone costumes. You see, “Dancing with the Stars” no longer contains celebrities. It has merely become an hour long television slot needed to fulfill scheduling requirements before its request for one last samba. Ironically enough, this season is the “All Star” cycle, and yet, no cast member is actually considered a celebrity, unless teen mom Bristol Palin is the new Jennifer Aniston and the whole world just doesn’t know yet. We began week one with the assignment of selected dances including the Foxtrot, cha-cha and Salsa, all set to frivolous pop music like One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful” — NICE. Pamela and Tristan were the first to be voted off, but rest assured she has promised us that she’ll “keep dancing,” thank god. Week two was all about the jive and quickstep for the remaining contestants, resulting in the elimination of Joey and Kym. It has been reported that celebrity Joey Fatone, whoever that may be, is “proud of [his]final dance.” Well Joey, if you’re happy, we’re happy. Finding a new reality show, that is. We think it’s time to transition over to X Factor, at least they have Britney.
Partners (CBS Mondays 8:30 PM)
We have to say, we’d been looking forward to this pilot more and more every time we heard, “from the creators of ‘Will and Grace’.” And that’s just what it is. Two best friends, one gay and the other straight. At this point, the unrelated one-liners that make up the show are getting old, but we still think the characters were well cast. Joe (David Krumholtz) has a scary resemblance to Nick from “New Girl.” Michael Urie (“Ugly Betty”) plays his gay childhood BFF, Louis, and his frantic hand motions/faces are entertaining all in itself. We were also surprised to see Sophia Bush in the cast list, especially since the last comedy did was probably “John Tucker Must Die.” Well, Brooke had to go somewhere after the “One Tree Hill” series finale. And is it too soon to say that our favorite character is the sassy assistant, Rosanna? Girl has potential. Overall, the Internet is not too happy with the premiere, but we think we’re going to keep watching in hopes that Rosanna gets a bigger role and Michael Urie’s boyfriend stops looking so awkward.
Best Moments
JOE: [to Louis]“You only go with your gut. That’s why you have a tattoo of Clay Aiken on your a**.”
ROSANNA (assistant): “Gay gay gay, joke joke joke, I’m going to cut you.”
Revolution (NBC Mondays 10 PM)
This new “Hunger Games”-esque TV drama definitely emphasizes a major theme in our world today: technology. In fact, they made sure to fill the first 10 minutes with every piece of technology possible. That led up to the major climactic scene, which was, as expected, when the power went out. In the biggest black out ever, all pieces of technology got shut down, including airplanes mid-flight. The show then fast forwards 15 years after the power-out to follow the life of the show’s heroine, Charlie (Tracy Spiridakos) aka Katniss. It seems that the world has reverted to a primitive lifestyle, where hunting is the way to get food and nobody seems to know how to bathe.
Militias are running rampant and somewhere in the middle of it, Charlie’s dad gets murdered and her brother taken away. Charlie, clad in her all leather get-up, goes with her two sidekicks to find an Uncle Miles, who will be able to get her brother back and help them figure out why the lights went out. Enter alcoholic uncle. We all seemed to know this actor from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place him. Figured it out: Bella Swan’s dad (Billy Burke) minus the mustache. Charlie Swan (really Uncle Miles) shows everyone that he can single-handedly fight off a whole militia, including real Charlie’s potential love interest Nate (JD Pardo). Despite our frustration that it’s taking people 15 years to decide they want to turn the power back on, we’re really excited to see how “Revolution” will play out in its first season.
Best Moments
AARON: “I used to work at Google.”
CHARLIE: “That’s a computer thing, right?”
CHARLIE: “You need to help me.”
MILES: “Why?”
CHARLIE: “Cause we’re family.”
MILES: “Kid, I don’t even know you.”
Later…
CHARLIE: “We’re family.”
MILES: “Kid, if you want me to come with you, you’re going to have to dial it back a notch.”
New Girl (FOX Tuesdays 8 PM)
http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/new-girl-recap-katie
Ben and Kate (FOX Tuesdays 8:30 PM)
It is said that a good TV show will in time make you laugh and make you cry, but the only response we had to the “Ben and Kate” premiere was a yawn. Following two opposite siblings, the show introduces us to the stressed-out single mother Kate (Dakota Johnson) who is doing all she can to get her daughter into the best schooling available. As the unrealistic dreamer Ben (Nat Faxon) picks up on his sister’s struggles, he moves in with her, hoping to give his sister the freedom she needs. Now, we could continue with the small details of this overrated, mind-numbing plot, but let’s be real here. This show has a good three or four weeks left until it’s cancelled. As busy high school students we have a limited amount of time allotted for television, so we advise you to not waste it on a humorless show fraught with mediocre actors and guest stars, also known as “Ben and Kate.” While most are crossing their fingers for the show’s continued success, we will be changing the channel to something slightly more amusing… like, anything.
Best Moments
The ending credits — what a pretty font.
The Mindy Project (FOX Tuesdays 9:30 PM)
At first glance, “The Mindy Project” may look like yet another failed attempt to produce a successful Fall comedy sitcom, but, we have to admit, we didn’t hate it. When first seeing the poster of a girl who looks like an overweight Pocahontas, we weren’t exactly rushing home from school to jump in bed with Ben and Jerry’s and watch it on Hulu. Nonetheless, this show slightly amused us, which is a start. Mindy Kaling (“The Office”) plays sassy OB/GYN Mindy Lahiri, a single girl in her thirties juggling a hectic career while on the search for love, a plot we surely haven’t seen hundreds of times before. With co-stars including Anna Campe of “The Good Wife” (never heard of it) and mediocre Ed Weeks, the show revolves heavily around relationships and the work place. Relationships and work… if we had a nickel. We wish you good luck, “Mindy Project.” You have one more chance.
Best Moments
MINDY: “How do I look?”
GWEN: “Like a librarian in a porn movie.”
“If you two work together you will avoid hiring any Al-Qaeda terrorists.”
Modern Family (ABC Wednesdays 9 PM)
We don’t know what we love more; the fact that Modern Family has returned for it’s fourth season on ABC, or that Gloria is actually pregnant with the child of her 65 year-old husband. Last season’s finale left us in awe with the news of Gloria’s unexpected conception and we began the new season with her planning to tell Jay. In the other families, Cam and Mitchell are distracting their grief after not being able to adopt the baby they wanted by looking into getting a cat. The season premiere promises new changes for certain characters, such as Hailey and her boyfriend Dylan, who plan on moving in together before the start of college. We’re thrilled that the best TV comedy of the century is back, but are certainly saddened by the thought of Gloria transforming into a sea whale. Our only hope is that this new toddler version of Lily doesn’t continue to be so whiney and attention seeking… just go back to the baby and we’ll pretend nothing ever happened. Until next time.
Best Moments
GLORIA: “Manny, I can take care of a baby. I took care of you.”
MANNY: “Please. I was an anomaly. I self-potty-trained.”
CAT ADOPTION WOMAN: “Why wouldn’t they give you a baby?”
CAM: “It’s complicated”
CAT ADOPTION WOMAN: “So are cats.”
MITCHELL: “Are they? Because that one over there has been licking itself ever since we got here.”
Scene Stealer: The stuffed animals on top of the car… still dying.
Two and a Half Men (CBS Thursdays 8:30 PM)
“Two and a Half Men” has started its tenth season and can only be described by one word: “winning.” With the return of Ashton Kutcher as the show’s co-lead, we began with Walden hiring Michael Bolton to assist his proposal to Zoey on her birthday, only to be rejected and left for “another man.” Depression plus a whole lot of alcohol leads to an accidental intake of a pot brownie, leading Walden to pick up someone new. During their “time together,” Walden cycles through thoughts of Zoey, Bridget, his mother and even Michael Bolton, making their quickie even quicker. Meanwhile, Jake has enrolled himself in the military after his high school graduation and is adjusting to his new lifestyle by shaving his head. People can say what they want about “Two and a Half Men,” but we are still long-time fans and have continued to watch over the years. The writers have taken Charlie Sheen’s dismissal and rewritten Kutcher into the show in a fluid and comical way, and we are expecting nothing short of its previous excellence in the future. Let’s hope it continues to #win.
Best Moments
WALDEN: “Now she won’t return my calls, emails or texts. It is like she is ignoring across the whole digital spectrum. It is like she is Amish.”
ALAN: “Wow, seems like just yesterday, he was an adorable, chubby-cheeked little boy catching a Frisbee on the beach in Santa Monica.”
BERTA: “Now, he is a fuzz-face, buck private catching the clap from a whore in Tijuana.”
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC Thursdays 9 PM)
Another character is dead, making Seattle Grace the only hospital with a death rate higher among doctors than patients. In traditional Grey’s style, the season nine opener fast forwards a month after the crash, leaving Sloan in a coma, Arizona seemingly dead, Lexie actually dead and Cristina in Minnesota. We have to admit, McSteamy’s death was spoiled a bit by the fact that we knew Eric Dane would be leaving the show. But that didn’t keep us from shedding a tear each time there was a flashback to Mark in his younger years. Speaking of young’uns, there’s a new batch of interns at the hospital (shout out to Smash from “Friday Night Lights.”) Grey’s has been spot on in finding replacements; I mean, the new intern looks exactly like Lexie (too soon?) But in honor of one of the biggest players on television, let’s take a look back at a few memorable quotes by Dr. Mark “McSteamy” Sloan.
MEREDITH: “Number one: No flirting. Second: No talking about Derek and C: No giving me the face.”
MARK: “The face?”
MEREDITH: “The McSteamy face. Doesn’t work on me. I’m immune.”
MARK: “If I’d gone off to the woods, I would’ve invited you to keep me warm.”
MEREDITH: “Breaking rules 1, 2 and 3.”
(Season 3, Episode 7)
PATIENT: “Okay, then. Uh, if I do die, it would have been lovely meeting you all.”
MARK: [to the interns]“See, the patient is confident. You should be confident.”
(Season 4, Episode 9)
TEDDY: “I wanted to talk to you about breast implants.”
MARK: “Good for you! It crossed my mind the first time I saw you, but I didn’t think you’d go for it.”
(Season 6, Episode 17)
MARK: “You’re Derek Shepherd. There’s a reason I’ve been jealous of you my whole life, and it’s not your hair.”
(Season 7, Episode 21)
MARK: [to Derek]“We’re hot doctors with babies, they’re gonna stare.”
(Season 8, Episode 16)
MARK: [to Lexie]“We’re going to have the best life, you and me. You can’t die because we’re supposed to end up together. We’re meant to be.”
(Season 8, Episode 24)
