Kit Clemente
Reporter
Let’s all be real, waking up on Monday morning to start off a new week at the hellfire we so endearingly call NCHS is already enough of a bane on a teenager’s existence. In fact, it’s most comparable to the levels of inferno only Dante has enough literary skill and cynicism to describe. Of course the excitement of a new week is only amplified post schlepping through morning routines and attempting to cure what can only be described as “morning face” (which comprises of puffy and baggy eyes, as well as a grossly drowsy-looking gaze). The only redemption that a new week can possibly serve is the avoidance of all tests, essays, presentations, or any other glaringly despicable injustices the education system offers.
True to form, the futility of these hopes is evident when it’s only lunchtime and you realize that you have 105 pages of APUSH notes to do, a physics test on something to do with Newton, an essay on social injustices prevalent in The Great Gatsby, and a French presentation on a book that even the powers of Google Translate cannot decrypt. Immediately after realizing this, you may feel the need to either have a panic attack or just crawl into fetal position and reminisce about the days when school consisted of napping and snacktime.
Post-panic attack you probably will decide that the only way you’ll be able to face this work is to first browse the Internet. This will involve relentlessly perusing your Facebook news feed, only to find that your cousin’s Farmville account is more exciting than your life. This will only be followed by an immediate frenzy, realizing that you should really do what those StumbleUpon quotes suggest and “make the best of it.” Then a few worksheets, notecards, and Google docs later, you’ll feel as useless as the green movement. This is when a brilliant idea presents itself: self-bribery.
Now, for those of us who are experts in this trade we know it goes something along the lines of 1 page of notes = 1 cup of Baskin Robbins ice cream as a reward. The flaw in this strategy will reveal itself eventually as you realize your stomach is protruding threateningly and you’ve probably done half a page. This painful process will continue until you collapse decrepit on top of your bed.
The agony of each morning directly varies with the length of the week, making Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday more painful variations of Monday’s hell. The real question lies in when you’ll capitulate to your inner voice telling you that you must relax and forget about the amount of life-ruining and fun-sucking homework to be done and have some fun. In this dangerous moment the word of rebellion and comfort will escape your lips: YOLO.
Following that moment, a variety of activities will follow, most likely including the indulgence of watching the last few seasons of Lost, googling the status of Ryan Renyolds and Blake Lively’s likelihood of moving to NC, and watching “Very Mary Kate” videos on youtube. A good period of time may also be spent ravaging the findings of your kitchen, otherwise known as binge-eating. Unfortunately, the probability of these two activities coinciding is shamelessly high.
All will be fine and dandy until suddenly you are aware that you never did one vital thing: the majority of your studying. The change from relaxation to hysteria will begin until you finally steel yourself and go into lockdown mode. A few Redbulls later, homework and studying will be done (maybe…) and similar scenes of Monday’s crashing onto bed will play out.
This way of life will ensure that you wake up the next day in serious need of an energy boost. Various trips to Zumbach’s will be made until the ability to function properly returns. After that the only way to trudge through the rest of the week will be the Friday countdown. This means every moment in the back of your mind a timer will be on red alert constantly updating the current stats to your freedom. With each passing class, you’re one block closer to ending this tortuous captivity.
It’s this exact mindset that leads to the “checked-out” feeling. In fact, there might as well be a sign on your forehead saying “screw you guys, I hate high school.” In celebration of your newfound indifference, you’ll begin to feel free. You might even watch one of those One Tree Hill marathons or belt out One Direction, reminding yourself of “what makes you beautiful.”
Fast forward and you’ll arrive at Friday afternoon around that glorious time of 2:05. Having somehow making it through the day, freedom is at your doorstep! All of a sudden, an adrenaline rush will revitalize your sleep deprived body, and you’ll be energized to do as your mind pleases.
Celebrations will ensue, another week down, and all will be good in the world. Prepare to #gethphy, take some prime selfies, and forget the weeks stresses (after all, we’ve already established #YOLO).
