Video by “ABCNews” – YouTube
Emma Hutchins
Opinions Editor
No sleepovers. No choice in extracurriculars. No being “No.2” or below in classes other than gym or drama. Even no bathroom breaks until a certain piano piece is performed perfectly. Western Parenting, meet Amy Chua’s controversial child-rearing memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Meoowww, is right.
This novel’s received a lot of attention, good, bad, ugly, wild if we shall continue the tiger metaphor. Despite some drastic anecdotes that are under fire (i.e. calling her kids “garbage” is probably a red flag for child services), I think there’s value to her argument that parents should believe in their kids and expect them to put forth their best effort – but couldn’t she possibly do that without becoming the official Mommy Dearest of the 21st century?
I also wonder if the self-discipline that she insists was instilled in her kids is really “self” discipline, or more her daughters’ perpetual fear of failure, or you know, maybe not wanting to be called “garbage” by their mother who then boasts about it at a dinner party, as Chua so charmingly reveals?
And what about personal growth – learning to be a good human being, and having interpersonal skills, instead of just excelling as a trained performer? A lot of my close friendships were strengthened through experiences like sleepovers and playdates, from which the author’s kids were banned.
I can’t imagine that having to be the number one student, or only accepting A’s in classes did wonders for these girls’ social lives either. I mean it is one thing to set goals for yourself, but the stress-ball monsters that emerge from such restrictions (which by the way don’t actually emphasize learning, so much as they encourage beating out the other students) are known to inspire death glares from peers.
To Chua’s credit, she makes an interesting point about believing her kids are capable of a lot and not accepting less, but why does “a lot” have to be limited to the areas that Chua values? Couldn’t her daughters’ self-worth be more complicated than successfully performing a piece on the violin or piano, the only two instruments which her daughters were permitted to play?
My parents have taken on a very different parenting strategy. Halleluiah. Shall we call said strategy, “Peace hymn of the sea turtle” (for those readers that are not attuned to the parenting techniques of such critters: they leave their eggs in the sand, and proceed to take a hands-off approach).
This is obviously an exaggeration, my parents are involved and committed, etc. etc. but the point is they give me a lot of flexibility (maybe too much? But shh, don’t tell them). They trust me to make my own decisions, offer guidance when necessary, and are candid and respectful in their discussions with me – except for when it comes to cleaning my room, they’re a little more candid, and a little less respectful, but hey, perfection is overrated!
What the crux of the whole parenting deal comes down to is that ever-elusive four-letter word, love. Sure, some of these “tiger” antics lean on the unhealthy, or at least unconventional, (the exact line, “I’m going to take all your stuffed animals and burn them!” comes to mind) but Chua insists that the driving force behind her every action with her kids was the firm belief in her daughters, and her profound love for them.
Whether turtle or tiger, that’s what’s really important.
