A Lonely February 14th
Sean Davidson
Reporter
There is a time early in our childhood when we stop believing in Santa Claus and other holiday figures, and later on, in teenage life, Valentine’s Day is a time when a lot of us lose faith in Cupid. While many holidays celebrate religious happenings or historically significant dates, Valentine’s Day celebrates an emotion; an emotion that stands as an enigma to children and adults alike. As children, Disney movies told us that, “everyone deserves true love.” Peasants like Cinderella could marry a prince, and even an outcasted beast would find love from Belle. They told us that there is such a thing as “love at first sight,” and that with patience, love will come to all with almost no effort by either individual. But the relationships we know today come as a result of incredible effort. Both boys and girls are known to work strategically in the social world and make drastic changes to their personality and appearance to appeal to one another.
To further understand our introduction to love, recall Valentine’s Day back in elementary school, when the whole class would have to make cards for each other. I remember cutting out hearts in pink-cardstock-paper the night before, carefully writing my classmates names in marker, and then taping a pack of Sweethearts to the front as a final touch. It was a day of free love that neutralized awkwardness in an age when cooties ran rampant. Girls giving heart-shaped-cards to girls and boys, and boys giving heart-shaped-cards to boys and girls. What happened in elementary school is almost impossible to continue as children mature and become increasingly socially conscious. Love becomes a subject of more legitimate curiosity. I get the recurring feeling that young children accept Valentine’s Day so openly in part because it is just another designated ‘candy day’, along with Easter and Halloween. The way I see it, the contrived meanings of many holidays have served as early introductions to things children learn about on their own later in life. Children are left on their own as early as middle school when teachers don’t make the class exchange cards and candy. This is not because everyone has a Valentine by that age. In fact, many boys and girls will receive no candy and no hearts. A select few experiment with dating as early as middle school, and from what I understand, it is more about dating being an exciting idea more than love being pursued. I remember clearly being told by a boy, a popular one I may add, that “dating is just you saying you like someone and them saying they like you back, that’s all.” Cooties wound down in middle school and was replaced with curiosity. The few who did explore dating early on had their beliefs about love challenged. I watched the happily-ever-after ideology fail as relationships fizzled in a matter of two weeks or less. I saw loneliness exasperated by hormones. I discovered that Valentine’s Day was a far cry from the free love experience we were introduced to. This very Friday it would not surprise me to see a middle schooler walk the lonely mile down South Avenue, all the way to Mackenzie’s, to buy him or herself a lollypop. On their cheek- a single tear.
Fast forward to high school, and for many people Valentine’s Day has become “Hey! You’re single!” Day. The reality is that a lot of kids still have not dated yet. Lots of kids will never date in the entirety of their K-12 experience. This is because firstly, there are plenty of ‘fish in the sea’, but school is only a puddle, and a competitive one at that. The pickings are very tough. Secondly, in a confined social environment such as high school the ‘socially elite’ get first pick. Thirdly, dating is still pretty awkward, even for those who have dated before. It is just as hard to find a new relationship after ending one as it is to find a new job after being fired. Being in a relationship does not elevate you to godly status where relationships are at your fingertips. At any given time, a small percentage of students are dating, a much larger percentage have dated before, and a massive percentage are in some kind of pursuit of a relationship, such as a crush, a friendship that is so close to a relationship, or even some kind of creepy multi-month plan to date someone. So many kids have this ‘All You Need Is Love’ mentality; the idea that a relationship will bring mental and social security. You know it all; if only I had someone who really cared about me I’d have a reason to wake up, a reason to work so hard. We envision some kind of social Nirvana, where you answer to no one and everything in the world seems to smile at you, like in an old cartoon. Everything would be taken care of. Beliefs like that are instilled in us because love as we know it is an abstraction of love, the dreams of countless people expressed through many forms of media. Turn on the radio, watch a movie, read a magazine. Now think about your school. Is it the same?
If people took Valentines Day/Hey! You’re Single Day more seriously, so many of us would feel insulted and saddened. We would scowl at the flowers and chocolates being exchanged. We would proclaim to ourselves, “those flowers should be mine! They don’t deserve it!” But we don’t seem to care, at least on the surface. It is just another day for most of us, and if we are saddened or jealous it is only vague. It is a “living is easy with eyes closed” situation, where it is easier to not think about what you are missing. For those who are dating, it is a fun day of chocolates, flowers, and hugs. Starbucks has a special ‘two espresso or tea lattes for the price of one deal’ going on for Valentine’s couples who want to go out for coffee together. If we return to the intended meaning of Valentines Day though, the day is about the hope for love, and is a day for those who want love. Cupid is supposed to be rapid-firing his arrow around the world. But I have yet to see someone proclaim their love on Valentine’s Day to a crush. Parents still push for it though. You know how they are. Some girl waves to you when you are getting picked up from school and your parents jump at it. They’re all like, “Who’s she?!? You should take her out to the movies!”
The question now is; what can we do for the less fortunate this Valentine’s Day? It would help a whole lot if we returned to the free love idea that we knew as young children. If by some crazy chance the school approved “Give a Stranger a Hug Day”. I call upon all lovebirds to give a yearning soul your flower! I call upon you to buy a singleton a drink at Starbucks! Tip your hat at the middle school child walking the lonely mile down South Ave. to Mackenzie’s!
